I was hit hard by reality when C visited the GP for his 6 week jab today. When placed on the weighing scale, he weighed a mere 3.6kg. His birth weight was 3.26kg, so that means he only put on 340g in 6 weeks. Reality check - He's not thriving on my breast milk :(
C has been on total breast milk since I stopped supplementing fm on day 6. He has a habit of latching and falling asleep at my breast. We spent long hours stuck to each other because I'm worried he's not getting enough. His diapers were doing a roaring trade though, pooping almost after every feed. Each time I doubt myself, I will look at his diaper output and tell myself he must be putting on the pounds. If he still fusses after a long latch, I'll attribute it to him being sleepy. On hindsight, he must have fallen asleep due to the slow flow, and fusses because he really did not get much from the slow flow. It's really a major setback after latching him direct for 38 days.
I introduced his first bottle in the nursing room at Liang Court. C has been syringe fed if we supplement fm, and I wasn't keen to introduce the bottle for fear of nipple confusion. At Liang Court, he was being too agitated and both breasts could not calm him down. I reached into my bag and grab that bottle and it's amazing how he took to it like a fish. That Pigeon wide neck bottle which I've sterilised and kept away hoping never to use it, is now in C's mouth. The contented look after he finished that bottle is priceless. At that moment, I knew my moo moo days were numbered.
Putting C on fm will do away with some inconvenience I faced in the past 44 days. I couldn't quite master the art of breastfeeding in public with a nursing cover. It was always a struggle when I try to do that, and he's not a happy camper too, often screaming until red in the face. I attended a wedding last weekend and it was such a stressful encounter. I spent most of the wedding in the nursing room which is a distance away. When I didn't want to walk that far, I bf him in the toilet cubicle, which is so unhygienic.
Each time I venture out of the house, it's a race against time to finish my errands (lunch, shopping, etc) before he wakes to scream for milk. I was almost afraid for him to wake up, which is not how I envision parenthood to be. Even going over to my in laws' place for dinner is so stressful. He would cry before, during and after the meal, causing my mil to continuously question whether he is drinking well. I had to keep latching him for fear of his crying, and gobble down my meals so that I can go home ASAP and minimise the ordeal.
Had he been growing well, I'd have been more inclined to press on despite all the above. Now it looks like supplementing is inevitable and my bf journey will end soon. As I took out new Avent bottles to sterilise, tears rolled down. Why does something so natural has to be so difficult for me?
Hubby has been encouraging and said I've done much better than P's time. He told me not to take it too hard, but the whole thing keeps weighing on my mind. I can't sleep.
